Impatience

To those of you who have been pressuring me or hinting to me to hurry up and get my license, please stop. I have actually had enough with this. My aunt is pressuring me every moment she gets (and I dread every phone call because of her), my parents are too, and some of my friends. You see, like you all have noticed, maybe, I don't get impatient, irritated, angry, or fed up with meaningless things like this, but now I am. I can be harsh telling you this and honestly, I really don't care right now. Thinking back at whoever that has told me to get my license quickly so I can drive makes me want to scream. Yet, I'm surprised I still haven't done so. I just smile and nodd and say, "soon.." unconsciously knowing that if I keep on saying that, you guys will keep on mentioning it. So. To stop this, I have come up with two methods. They might work or not work, I really don't know. So here it goes: 1. Stop pressuring me (especially the people who do drive) because I don't hear Johnny pressuring me to drive and it's not because he didn't get his yet either, did he? Whatever. & 2. Stay calm and just simply explain to you irritating mockings of my aunt and parents how much I dislike driving and how I am simply just not ready. But then you might get the impression that I'm just trying to avoid being independent so I can snooch off of those who can drive. That isn't the right answer. I'm honest to all of you out there. I could cuss and fuss all I want in this idiotic society, but I choose not to 99% of the time. The other 1% is when I'm truly alone or when I feel like I can just let it out with whom that are very close to me. Do you still think that I can be the simple nice patient girl that I am 99% of the time? One day, I assure you, that I can just burst out and rant everywhere I go. I hope you wouldn't be surprised. I don't think you understand my situation. Or maybe you do, but not fully. You might think you do, but maybe not. I just want people to stop patronzing me about driving. Seriously. Have any of you thought of how bad the drivers are here in San Gabriel? Every race has a good amount of percentage of people doing stuff that is just beyond our imaginations, not just asians. Evidently, my father is one of them. Many people, excluding my uninformed aunt, have said that my father is a crazy driver. I agree.

Also, I know that it's beneficial to have a license and drive and all, but to me, that isn't important. Being convenient isn't what really matters. Whoever says that is just kidding themselves. And people wonder why other people are obese. YOU DON'T LIKE TO WALK. YOU LIKE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE DISGUSTING DIRT-FILLED CARS. Seriously. If we didn't have cars, a lot of the obese people now, might still be fit and some others probably have an illness so I'm really not talking about them. I'm only talking about the ones that feed themselves until their heart gives out and possibly stops working. Can you really say I am learning in my nutrition class?

Possibly yes.

I'm a weak person. I wouldn't be able to handle such intensed complications in futures to come if I drove. I doubt any of you as heard this, but I really do have a weak heart and weak lungs. When I was born, I was only 4 lbs. To this day, even though I look healthy and all, my heart and lungs are still an inch away from fear. Maybe it's because I live with people who don't knock and opens the doors loudly thinking I can't hear them, who yell all the freaking time, thinking I can't hear them, and who plays the t.v. like they're a teenager with a boombox. I am really sick of people's attempts to try and convince me that I am strong to overcome these anxieties. I will tell you now, I am not. And harshly, I don't plan on looking to God for answers on this. It's the way I was born and raised up and I accept it in a weird way. I know that God loves me and that he made me with his heart in mind. I don't blame God for making my lungs and heart weak. I don't. I know that He didn't actually intend on doing that. Don't get me wrong or anything. But yea... also I doubt that you knew how much I disliked driving. A lot of you can relate, I know that. As for me, if I had a choice to make, either to live in Japan where it's not "mandatory" to drive or to stay here and have to drive at least once in my lifetime, I'd already be in Japan when you finish the question; or at least on the plane when you finish the question. This is something that won't easily be changed in my heart. It's already been craved deeply in and I don't intend to erase it.

I am idiotic. Just like many people are. Harsh, I know. Deal with it. We all have our uniqueness, skills/talents, beliefs, and more, but there's one thing that we do share, even if it's only a little and that's stupidity. I couldn't use "idioticy" because it's not a word. Pfttt. AND MY GOODNESS! MY COMPUTER HAS WAYYYYY TOO MANY POP-UPS! v_v *destroy........* If I'm offending you, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to start writing about how people are stupid. It just came up. Stupid and lazy. Something that's very common in today's society. I'm ashamed. Am I really? I don't know. I truly don't. Hm. --- Apsire. I long to aspire God. Did I use it correctly? I love that word. Rarely used though. What a pity. Anyway...

I'm starting to get impatiently patient. You might not understand what that means, but I do and God does and that's all that matters. Let's end my venting here. I don't want to make the wrong impressions but I believe I already have.

P.S. There's one person, I hope he knows, besides God and of mere likeness, that I will always be there for him. I'll always stay by his side. Jasmine Ngo is a very loyal friend. Meep. Au revoir.