hmph

things have been busy lately & i must stick to my plans.
whom i make plans with first, stays that way. i hope you can understand that.


dont patronize me.
my heart (i) will explode.
tired of being a nice jasmine.
when the time comes, you'll see a different person.
i dont know how it'll be.
everyone is against me again.
rude tones, selfish comments, & people who ignore me.
can this world ever be... ha. no. thats a stupid question.
this world can never be better. they need Jesus.
its become so obvious.
im being negative again. ughhh.


im miserable.
dont know when i can openly say how much i love everyone. you guys make it so hard for those words to slip out of my mouth when it seems so easy to say. esp with guys. they'd take it another way. thats why not much information gets to someone from another. its like a barrier of low self-esteem or immatureness or something else. there's a whole list. but of course. i can easily say how much i love Jesus because He loves me. you guys don't need to tell me every time you see me that He loves me because I know. i just wish you guys can be more considerate like Jesus is. im learning more and more about each of my friends. how they really are sometimes. its fascinating. its also very heartbreaking. reality really sucks us dry doesnt it? i doubt anyone can go on with a conversation without asking about school, majors, classes, grades, etc. it's just one of those things where it's the first and last choice to talk about it. why is that? why is it so easy to talk about those things than talking about Jesus? srsly. i rather talk about Jesus! as a matter of fact, i loooove talking about Jesus. school and those things, not so much. if you havent noticed already, i try not to talk about it. the only time i'll talk about it is when i know you are so intrigued with your passion whether its writing, the arts of many kinds, photography, economics, real estate, or architecture. if you're intrigued, its a good thing. if you're intrigued, you'd be happy to talk about it. if i asked you something thats about something dreadful to you, wouldn't that conversation go down hill? its a depressing thought. and it seems that most of us, nearly all, bring that kind of stuff up in a conversation right away. find out what that someone likes first. dont jump ahead to the typical questions. its boring, dramatic, and depressing. at least... its for the people i talk to and myself included. i also come across optimistic people who see it in a different sense. good for you. thats a good thing too. im glad you're that way... and now i forgot my train of thought. oh wells. wow. i didnt even mean for this to go into depth. just wanted to get some things out. man this doesnt even satisfy what i truly wanted to say in my heart. x_x how sad is that? i think im going to be miserable for my entire life if i keep doing dental hygiene but no one cares. i mean i know that God cares and i need to pray. pray pray pray. im so restless. it hurts and i wanna cry. ahhh and its not even stress at the moment either! cussing wont help but i feel like i want to but i cant. V____V all this frustrration bottling up isnt good. but no one is around to hear me scream. i want to scream. i want to go to a place where its all distant and quiet and just scream my lungs out. somewhere no one can find me. a secret place that only God and i know of. and where is that? i have no clue. sorry `bout this entry.

God, i want my joyfulness back.



lost of interest in things.
jasmine.