Blue Card

Ok so I had no idea this was going to happen. I was planning on putting money into my ID card at the writing center lab before I go in 45 minutes. I needed to print things out in the nutrition lab because of our project which is due tomorrow. When I got there and tried to put money into my card, it kept telling me to retry it again. Finally, one of the workers there noticed the problem and tried it again. She thought there was dust on my card, but there wasn't. So then she asked me if it was a new one and I said yeah it is. She then told me that some of the new cards don't let you put in money. I thought to myself, "Oh great..."

Then when I was about to lose hope, God answered my heart's burden. An elderly man who worked there during my english lab (along with the girl who tried to help me) suddenly remembered that someone left a blue card in the machine a while ago and that I can use it cause no one claimed it. I wasn't sure though, because I felt bad for whoever left it there. So they told me that I can keep it. I kept asking them if they were sure about this and they kept saying, "yeah go ahead." So I pushed it into the machine and put $5 dollars in my new card.

I was so happy when I walked out. I kept saying thank you to them. When I got out of the building, I was like "THANK YOU GOD! OMGOSH. I PRAISE YOUR NAME! YOU WHO ALWAYS PROVIDES!" After that class, though, when I came out to meet a friend, I couldn't hold it in. I told him about it and we said to each other, "God provides!" God saved me again. His love is so pure it makes me cry. During my friend's club's skit during break today, when their friend Jimmy was sharing some things, I started to cry. Q_Q

God will always be my deepest treasure, my deepest desire, my deepest love. ♥

39 18 19 22 23

39. "I'm Sorry"

It's my favorite chapter. Took much effort to write it. I think it's the best chapter in Part 02. If you get there, tell me what you thought of it.

18.19.22.23. "Lovely Complex"

I'm totally in love with this anime. However many times I watch it, especially these episodes, I'm just so *_* about it. It makes me very happy. =) And I wonder who I should thank for that. (; She knows who she is. heeeeeeeeh.



OOOOOOOOtani. HA.

Bella

I saw this movie yesterday with my Wang sisters. xP There's a whole group of words to describe it. I'll say one. It was Bel.

Thank You

I want spagetti. Eric, you were right. Asians don't communicate, they assume.


Heh. It's that time of year again. This year, however, I do have things to say. So I guess I'll say them and get it over with. It doesn't matter who cares and who doesn't care.

Thank you God for being the most unfailing Father. Thank you for everything you've done for me, my family, and the people around me. Especially. Thank you for curing my dad's cancer around 2 and a half years ago. Now that I look back, it was truly a miracle. I probably wasn't thankful back then, but seeing a miracle being performed on someone close to me is something I'll never forget. I love you God and I'll always.

Thank you Mumu for being so kind to all my friends and always annoying me about practicing driving. Thank you family for always being a pain in the butt but making up for it with random chats.

Thank you Jack for being the one to always provide us with the answers we've been seeking for and being our Spiritual Father. Thank you Annie for always being one of the girls and dragging me to 7-11 and letting me meet the awesome girls I call sisters now. Also, thank you for driving me everywhere we had to go and being our Spiritual Mother. Thank you Joy for talking about Jesus in Hopper's design class and getting me interested to go to Impact with you.

Thank you Wang sisters for being so inspiring and being real sisters to me and all those foods I got. I will so repay you in the future. Thank you Sala for those Christan Korean Songs and those rides and singing lessons during summer camp. Thank you Alice for listening to me without judgment and foods. Thank you Amy for always sticking that thing in your eye and getting me all weirded out just for me to say "What are you doing Amy?!" all the time ^_^

Thank you Kao sisters for being so openly great and those rides. ^_^ Thank Stephanie for being who you are. Thank you Stacey for understanding me, if it's just a bit, and understanding what goes on through my head half the time we talk. ( haha )

Thank you May for always caring and being there for me. Especially when I was talking to my "best" friend on the phone in your car. How I cried because it was too painful and you comforted me with your gentle pat on the shoulder. Thank you for all those rides and dinners. I'll surely repay you in the future.

Thank you Jennifer for always encouraging me through your little comments and your inspiring preaches. I'm so very happy to have met you. I love all those awkward moments that we have that makes it so worth while to even chat about things with you. I love all the silly moments that we have talking about random things. I love how I love your personality. You are just wonderful. Thank you for being in my life.

Thank you GUPPY for entering my life so recent yet so impacting. Without you my life would be so boring. Thank you for all the chitchats we had at my house, for all the deep talk we had about our lives, for all the fastfood shares we ate together, for all the funny moments that recolored our atmosphere, and thank you for giving me courage and credit for what I do. I appreciate your company more than you think. And.. thank you for being honest to me. You are my guppy and I am your fwench fwy. and I will call you mine. GUPPY IS MY FWEND!

Thank you George, Momo, MQ, and Josh. Thank you George for being so funny and nice to me. Thank you Momo for being so hilarious with your U-Turns and being my "robber" partner for the summer camp play. Thank you MQ for cutting my hair and being like a sister to me. Thank you Josh for being like a brother to me and encouraging me throughout this past year. Thank you guys for being in my life.

Thank you Rock and Jason. Thank for Rock for being a very easy person to approach. Thank you Jason for giving me a ride... that one time. ( haha ) You two are good people. I'd have more to say but.. I still barely know you guys. x) Thank you to Alvin for always saying I'm sorry which bugged me. Thank you Andy for being such a random guy. All those weird and silly moments will be in my memory. You're a good person, Andy. God knows it and we all know it.

Thank you Johnny and Eric. Thank you Johnny for being a funny girl. I mean guy! xD Just kidding. A funny guy. Thank you for letting me be me and not getting irritated by me. Thank you for your laughs, they always make me smile. Finally.. thank you Eric for talking to me. Though you might not yet treat me as a friend and all, thank you. Thank you for the rides, the critical thinking moments, and all the moments I found you hard to deal with. Thank you for dealing with my pickiness with my 18th birthday invition that didn't even get out. Thank you for making an effort to ignore and confront my stupidity. I thank you.

If I missed anyone else, then I'll say it here. Thank you everyone else who's been in my life this past year and past 18 years. Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

It's Just a Want, Though

I've been thinking about Christmas and the presents that come with it. Ever since I got my new mp3 player, I've been having this urge to get earsets. I only have headphones which I kind of want for my computer, not for my mp3 player. I'm kind of through wanting those rainbow flipflops. I actually can get them anytime if I had $50 dollars extra on me. Plus, it's Christmas. I wouldn't be able to wear them until March or something. Also, I have two other flipflops that I'm still using. I can wait. (: ..So. Earsets. I am on a mission to get those, whichever way God presents to me, whether it's a gift from a friend or if I have to get it myself. I'll be satisfied for the time being.

Also. I've been thinking about the New Year's Resolution that we have every year. I've been thinking real hard about it for the past 15 - 30 minutes. (lol) *sighh........ I should think about it some more, huh? x) But as of right now, I'd have to say these three things are my top priority:

001. Have this hunger and yearning for God; more than before.
002. Pull up the courage to do things I thought was impossible or hard to do.
003. Start praying for my parents & my family.

Yes. Wish me luck. ^^

Manners

Some people just don't have manners and on the top of that, they're snobby as well. Have you ever known someone like that? Oh man. I know I do. There's one person in particular that I just want to rant about, but of course I won't say his name.

If you don't know if something belongs to someone you know or if it's just there, wouldn't you think twice about it? Also, if you don't know who something belongs to, and you keep continuing to pursue that something especially when that person is right in front of you and can see you, it'll seriously make a very bad impression upon yourself to that person. Maybe, if you've ever thought this, that the thing you're pursuing is something that belongs to someone else is very important to them and you're just stealing away their possession, then wouldn't that just make the person really irritated.

My point is, if you don't know that something, let's say food, belongs to whoever, then don't touch it before you get verification. It's very important. You wouldn't want people to do the same thing to you, right? Exactly. So think twice about what you're doing before you do it.

Thank you.

Impatience

To those of you who have been pressuring me or hinting to me to hurry up and get my license, please stop. I have actually had enough with this. My aunt is pressuring me every moment she gets (and I dread every phone call because of her), my parents are too, and some of my friends. You see, like you all have noticed, maybe, I don't get impatient, irritated, angry, or fed up with meaningless things like this, but now I am. I can be harsh telling you this and honestly, I really don't care right now. Thinking back at whoever that has told me to get my license quickly so I can drive makes me want to scream. Yet, I'm surprised I still haven't done so. I just smile and nodd and say, "soon.." unconsciously knowing that if I keep on saying that, you guys will keep on mentioning it. So. To stop this, I have come up with two methods. They might work or not work, I really don't know. So here it goes: 1. Stop pressuring me (especially the people who do drive) because I don't hear Johnny pressuring me to drive and it's not because he didn't get his yet either, did he? Whatever. & 2. Stay calm and just simply explain to you irritating mockings of my aunt and parents how much I dislike driving and how I am simply just not ready. But then you might get the impression that I'm just trying to avoid being independent so I can snooch off of those who can drive. That isn't the right answer. I'm honest to all of you out there. I could cuss and fuss all I want in this idiotic society, but I choose not to 99% of the time. The other 1% is when I'm truly alone or when I feel like I can just let it out with whom that are very close to me. Do you still think that I can be the simple nice patient girl that I am 99% of the time? One day, I assure you, that I can just burst out and rant everywhere I go. I hope you wouldn't be surprised. I don't think you understand my situation. Or maybe you do, but not fully. You might think you do, but maybe not. I just want people to stop patronzing me about driving. Seriously. Have any of you thought of how bad the drivers are here in San Gabriel? Every race has a good amount of percentage of people doing stuff that is just beyond our imaginations, not just asians. Evidently, my father is one of them. Many people, excluding my uninformed aunt, have said that my father is a crazy driver. I agree.

Also, I know that it's beneficial to have a license and drive and all, but to me, that isn't important. Being convenient isn't what really matters. Whoever says that is just kidding themselves. And people wonder why other people are obese. YOU DON'T LIKE TO WALK. YOU LIKE YOUR PRETTY LITTLE DISGUSTING DIRT-FILLED CARS. Seriously. If we didn't have cars, a lot of the obese people now, might still be fit and some others probably have an illness so I'm really not talking about them. I'm only talking about the ones that feed themselves until their heart gives out and possibly stops working. Can you really say I am learning in my nutrition class?

Possibly yes.

I'm a weak person. I wouldn't be able to handle such intensed complications in futures to come if I drove. I doubt any of you as heard this, but I really do have a weak heart and weak lungs. When I was born, I was only 4 lbs. To this day, even though I look healthy and all, my heart and lungs are still an inch away from fear. Maybe it's because I live with people who don't knock and opens the doors loudly thinking I can't hear them, who yell all the freaking time, thinking I can't hear them, and who plays the t.v. like they're a teenager with a boombox. I am really sick of people's attempts to try and convince me that I am strong to overcome these anxieties. I will tell you now, I am not. And harshly, I don't plan on looking to God for answers on this. It's the way I was born and raised up and I accept it in a weird way. I know that God loves me and that he made me with his heart in mind. I don't blame God for making my lungs and heart weak. I don't. I know that He didn't actually intend on doing that. Don't get me wrong or anything. But yea... also I doubt that you knew how much I disliked driving. A lot of you can relate, I know that. As for me, if I had a choice to make, either to live in Japan where it's not "mandatory" to drive or to stay here and have to drive at least once in my lifetime, I'd already be in Japan when you finish the question; or at least on the plane when you finish the question. This is something that won't easily be changed in my heart. It's already been craved deeply in and I don't intend to erase it.

I am idiotic. Just like many people are. Harsh, I know. Deal with it. We all have our uniqueness, skills/talents, beliefs, and more, but there's one thing that we do share, even if it's only a little and that's stupidity. I couldn't use "idioticy" because it's not a word. Pfttt. AND MY GOODNESS! MY COMPUTER HAS WAYYYYY TOO MANY POP-UPS! v_v *destroy........* If I'm offending you, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to start writing about how people are stupid. It just came up. Stupid and lazy. Something that's very common in today's society. I'm ashamed. Am I really? I don't know. I truly don't. Hm. --- Apsire. I long to aspire God. Did I use it correctly? I love that word. Rarely used though. What a pity. Anyway...

I'm starting to get impatiently patient. You might not understand what that means, but I do and God does and that's all that matters. Let's end my venting here. I don't want to make the wrong impressions but I believe I already have.

P.S. There's one person, I hope he knows, besides God and of mere likeness, that I will always be there for him. I'll always stay by his side. Jasmine Ngo is a very loyal friend. Meep. Au revoir.

Questions

I encountered one of my old high school friends earlier today. Somehow we started to talk about the whole christianity thing. He asked me "what do you think is the purpose of all christians?" To be honest, that was a hard question. I was honest and told him that I actually never really put thought into that until now. So as I was thinking about it, I had this feeling he was trying to pry into my personal life. He probably wanted to see if I was really into this "religion." I wasn't intimidated by this at all actually. But the thing that worried me was the fact that I couldn't really put it into a nice flowly sentence. However, at the time, I didn't know he wanted it to be a simple sentence. I gave him this long paragraph (after realizing) for an answer. I was trying to elaborate on what my friend and I thought was a vague answer, to glorify God. Afterwards, he said that it was a noble answer, BUT. But? Soon realized this, I noticed that he got something from the Bible. He was biblical. It was scary. He was pushing it, actually. He kept gushing out all these verses from the bible, unconsciously knowing that it was making this situation a little too far fetched. Everything we were talking about, he went to the Bible, even when I asked him about his personal encounterance with God. I think he must have misunderstood what my point and intentions were. I don't think he got what I was trying to say. My friend was getting irritated with him so we went to go eat. Basically, I told him that there's more to God than just reading and referring back always to the Bible. If I'm making this sound harsh, I didn't mean to. I told him that experiencing God's love is also important, especially when it's just you and Him, one on one. That's one of my pet peeves. When people don't directly answer my question, but answer in a different kind that doesn't really relate to the question, you know? It's very irritating. It's like they're talking about something totally different. But anyways. So we were debating on that (he was actually, I was just trying to make a simple point whereas he was trying to deprive me from reading the Bible ever) for about an hour or so. Around 11:30am, my friend and I decided to eat. So I just left the conversation with him with how it is important to know God's word but also to know first hand His love. Personally. I also told him that each and every one of us encounters God differently so that he shouldn't assume that it's all the same. I mean, it can be, but i.e. speaking in tongue. I don't think everyone has the same tongue, right? *sighh... I don't know... I've been so out of it today too. Then, when I got home earlier and looked at my facebook, I saw that he messaged me. In his message, he said that he was sorry for how he was acting and if he offended me in any way. I kind of laughed a little when I read that part because he didn't offend me at all. In fact, I was pretty impressed by his little display of affection for his relationship with God. Aren't you? He made me realize how much I do love people. I could say from time to time that I hate them, but really, they can be fascinating. Just the little things they say, do, and don't do. x) Hm.. ha.

:/

1110.
It taught me so much. *Just remember what I shared yesterday* Sarah & Alice had to go back early so Tiffa, Monay, and I had to go too. A part of me was disappointed to not find out what really happened that night and another part of me was glad I was somewhat apart of it. Johnny called Sarah and asked her to pray for him and the others because they had encountered someone that was posessed by a demonic force. We each took turns in the car to pray outloud for them. A bit after we did that, I saw this really clear image right in front of me. It was an image of the UCLA Supernatural room and everyone was worshipping and praying. I saw Johnny, praying for that person and suddenly a white light kind of thing flew right at Johnny and into his forehead. I asked God what that meant, but Monay answered me. "Johnny and them must have gotten our prayers." (:

*personal reflection of the day: A part of the day, in the morning/noon ish, I was kind of mad. It was those feelings where you feel like your friends just don't respect you, that they feel like they can say anything without it hurting your feelings, and also, a feeling that you just hate how they act sometimes, but you don't want to tell them because they might take it the wrong way and then get mad at you. You see, I'm one of those people who can't say right away that "oh hey look, you're really hurting my feelings right now. Please.. don't do that again" whereas Monay can do it without a problem. But anyway, I just felt really uninviting. It's a shameful feeling when it gets to a point where you have to lie to your friend when she or he asks you, "hey are you ok? you look mad." Because, I had to lie and say that I was alright and that I wasn't mad. Later on, temporarily, I forgot about it, but .....

1111.
Share a bit. Said that I might share more on Sunday. Wakaranai. Johnny had his baptizism & Annie held a surprise birthday cake for Alice. I missed it both because of my dad's stupid post-office party. Hm... even though Monay was there, I felt uneasy. Why was that? But... while we were going home, we had to take my two guy cousins because their parents were going to stay and dance along with their sister. We had fun in the car so I was a bit happy. It made up for all the years of being so uneasy with each other because of competition. My car windows were filled with weird looking pictures. ^_^

*personal feelings of the day: I... felt as if I am still having this one trouble in my life. But this time, I don't feel like it's a burden to me. It's weird. I'm attached to his company (meaning prescence) and yet I am not so attached to him. No. I'm not talking about God. I'm talking about someone else. Somewhere in my heart, I have this feeling that maybe one day, something incredible and good will happen from this crush. Wakaranai. And I have yet to say that I "love" this person even though it's urging to come out. *sigh...

Supernatural on Campus // Day 001

Though it was cold, I was still very excited to be going to the Supernatural on Campus thing with Jaeson Ma. I thought Sarah and the rest of us were going to be early, but it turned out that we were pretty late. It's ok though. I felt bad for Jason, because he kind of got lost around UCLA, trying to find parking and where the thing actually was. By the time we were following the signs that these guys had, I believe that Tiffa, Monay, and I had gone a bit crazy from the cold.

p.s. It was FREEEEEEEEZINGG.

Anyways, once we got inside, it was crowded & they were singing. The songs were fantastic! The band was even good too. So moving on from that, Jaeson Ma (I believe) introduced a guest speaker by the name of (I believe; I didn't hear him clearly) Banning Liebscher. He. Was. Really. Inspiring!! By the middle of his preach, I thought to myself and to God, "Wow. I am so glad I got to come. Thank You Lord for giving me this opportunity!" A few moments after, maybe towards the end, I'm not so sure (I think I lost track of time cause I was so tired), Banning told us to stand up. (It could have been in the beginning, but either way it was amazing!) So when we stood, he was talking about something, I couldn't actually make it out and all of a sudden, a gust of, not cold or hot, wind/air came at me. It felt nice and I knew it was from God, because I was talking to Him. >.> I'm not too sure what about (darn) though. Then I heard a voice saying, "Holy are these men [meaning everyone at the Supernatural thing] who are here tonight." I smiled and said "Oh, God" in a nice soft voice. It was just intriguing.

God really loves us and wants to be where we are. He WANTS to come. Banning, towards the end of the preach, was busting out all these funny stuff about how some people go out there in the world (i.e. UCLA campus) and they come back and go "it's so cruel out there! i can't handle this. it's too much for me" and when he explained that to us, I closed my eyes and thought to myself, "It's not that I think the world is cruel, even if that's true, because what I think does not matter. What we think of the world does not matter, really. What matters is what God thinks and he still loves His creation." Plus, I was being a bit pessimistic, thinking, "Oh man. I'm actually scared to go around my campus despite all the encouragement from different people at school. Not scared because I might get rejected, but because I don't think I'm ready ......or is that like a figure of my imagination?" X_x Anyways, last night was really good. It was what I expected. Something from God.

p.s. Can someone please answer that question? xD If you can't, then please give me some advice. I don't want simple advices, but advices that I can actually think about without saying, "yeah, I thought about that already." Thank you! :]

♥ jasmine

Sashiburi//Prayer

Hm. Sashiburi, huh? Watching some anime, that is. Shakugan no Shana is out with a second season. It seems to me that the anime are coming out slower than before which makes me a bit hestitant to continue and depressed cause anime is what keeps me away from feeling bored at times. I'm not saying that God doesn't because he does. Let's just say that anime is another form of reality that I am fascinated about. Hmph. That didn't really make sense, did it? x_x Anyway! Before I left English class today, I wrote a little prayer down so I wouldn't forget it later. After I finished reading it over, I thought it was pretty powerful.

Here's the prayer:

Lord, I bring forth to You Michelle. She found out that she has leukemia. I pray that You just bless her Lord. With Your love, faithfulness, and promise, I pray that you anoint her body with Your cultivating extravagent love to conquer the leukemia. Show her that You are faithful. Show her that You are the only real God. Show her that in You she is safe, in You lies something far greater than anything else. I pray that You send the Holy Spirit to just take control of her body and heal her, Lord. When You say, "Heal the sick, cleanse the leporsy, and cast out demons," it's You who is doing all of that. Through us vessels, our prayers, Your will be done. You are a faithful God and You're worthy of praise. I pray in Your name, Amen.

shiagari.

Why, You Might Ask?

Ok. This post is going to be one of those, what you'd call "being emo," blogs.

So. Some of you might know about that person I've liked for nearly a year already, am I right? Well, before him, there was this person who I liked basically for a year and a half and for that guy, I told myself that if I couldn't "be" with him at all during the time I get to know him more than before, I'll just be happy with being his friend. So, I became his friend instead because he got with someone else. Now thinking back on it, letting go of him was a piece of cake because of what I told myself. So I have no regrets there or anything of that kind. But... for this recent person, it's totally different. I haven't told myself anything for the past year of what to do if I find out he has someone in his heart, I'd something something. But I haven't even figured out what that something is and this happens! Mind if I rant a little? I hope not. Ugh, this always happens. It's not like I mind much, but it's just so tiring every time. I need to figure out what that something is before anything else happens. Or else, I'll never actually stop having this intense miserable crush on him. I've heard a lot of advices and none really takes a lead on what I should do in the mean time. They're all about what I should do overall. This takes time, like I always say. It can't be done in one simple swipe. I need steps. STEPS. This makes me so uncomfortable and weary. Irritated. Frustrated. Psychotic even. Or maybe I'm just..... I don't know. I really need to be more patient than the level I'm at which is pretty patient if you ask some people. I'm very lenient. Ah, so annoyed by this.

So why do I like him, you might ask? To be honest, I like him because of his smile & his odd sense of maturity that I rarely see in guys around the ages of 18 - 20. You might not see it in him, but I do. One day I want to have the courage to tell him that I know he doesn't and never will like me that way, (even so) I'll always be there for him. I'll always care about him. I know this might seem really corny in many ways, but it's the truth. The feeling about this is more than the last person, so I can really admit to it. And if I can't stop, ha, next level. Yes, I have levels. Anyways, I don't think I'd be this calm when I tell him in the future. I think I'd be crying a little. Ha. Dreadful crush.

Ok. I'm going to go cool off now. Or at least try to. /:

Wonder Boys ♥

Cute.